Some Wedding Manifestations

I spent the whole of last night and this morning deciding on what I should write for my 2nd post. I was straddling between my not-so-recent foray (this word is dedicated to Charms) with the Singapore Association for the Deaf or some unique wedding manifestations that bride-and-grooms-to-be cannot shed themselves from. Of course, the unqiue wedding manifestations won.

I will stop calling them 'unique' because it isn't unique after you realise that it is actually an age-old custom with habits handed down over generations. And what am I talking about?

The size of your wedding banquet.

You just got engaged and you have started dreaming up your perfect wedding. A small cosy wedding with a garden theme in a glass gazebo in the middle of a beautiful lawn nestled in the belly of a colonial hotel. Birds chirping, friends quietly chatting, champagne glasses clinking and that ever beautiful 4-piece string quartet play as you walk down the aisle on a lovely breezy afternoon to the smile and hushed admiration of your family and friends. Everything feels so perfect. You do your research and find the most amazing colonial hotel that your little island can offer and imagine how beautiful it will be.

Then you discuss these plans with your parents. 

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Yes, you discuss it with your parents.

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and all hell breaks loose, all dreams of a perfect cosy wedding is shattered like the glass gazebo would should it hail.

The parents want to invite all the relatives that you've possibly only seen once a year (Chinese New Year that is), or never ever (EVER) seen. The whole village (if there is one) is invited because you are getting married. Joyous occasion! Invite everyone to celebrate! BOOM BOOM POW and your light cosy glass gazebo wedding goes from cosy to ... yes, there isn't a word for it. Only an expression.

You try to reason. You try to wiggle and squirm your way out of a wedding double the size that you imagined. But to no avail. Unless you elope or not involve any family in your wedding, you are not getting your way. (At this point, I hear alot of married people nodding their head in silent agreement, I will join the ranks)

And that is the story of my journey. My wedding banquet journey. My big fat Chinese wedding.

In my shattered heart (and head that imagined the beauty of a cosy wedding), I managed to pick up the pieces and made sense of it. There has not been more than one wedding that I've attended that has not seen it's share of a ballroom full of people that the wedding couple does not know. There is always a nook and cranny filled with tables of relatives that you do not know and they might not remember you except for the time your umbilical cord was cut that is there, just because.

And I have come to terms that - it is ok. I'm no wimp, I have resisted and contested, but in the quiet of my heart (and my husband-to-be and with good advice from our Pastor), I have decided that it's ok. A wedding is never about two people. It is about you, me, him, her, they, them and everyone else. Let's all get married !! 

But as bitter as that may sound, even though a wedding is never about two people, but a marriage is. A wedding is but a celebration and for a day. A marriage is for life. And to start you off on this life time journey together, a wedding should be celebrated with much cheer! And believe it or not, the people there do want to celebrate with you - and it doesn't matter if they do it on your account or on your parents. What matters is there are people who love you and want to see you married. Your parents are proud of you to want to invite everyone from their tattered phone book to come shout out, See! See! Come and cheer! They are getting married!

I know of someone that had 100 tables at her wedding. 90% of them, she did not know. Parent's friend, parent's relatives, parent's somebody. ONE HUNDRED TABLES, 1000 guests. But she told me, it's ok. She was happy. Their guests gave their share of red packets and they were happy, she was happy, everyone was happy.

My plan for my own wedding was 15 tables in an outdoor lawn of a colonial hotel. When the plan was brought to the table (no pun intended), it exploded to 30. There goes a soft, quiet cosy wedding. But it's ok. Looking back, I'm glad it's a family affair (the wedding, not the marriage). I'm glad my parents and relatives want to be proud of us and celebrate with us. It's like how you would celebrate birthdays, the more people the merrier. The more drunks, the more laughs!

So if you are dreaming up your perfect wedding, good! It is afterall a once in a life time event and you must dream. If you get the chance to have your perfect cosy wedding, I rejoice with you! But if you don't, this entry comes with a hug. A hug to tell you it's ok. It's ok if your cosy becomes noisy. It's ok. Have a wedding that everyone will cheer you and bless you and have fun while you're at it !

Congratulations!