我长大了! (I Have Grown Up!)

It's taken me a while to form this blog entry in my head before I found the time to spill it out onto paper and I had to take a particularly early lunch today leaving me with time to spare for this spillage.


I used to spend the last day of the year reflecting and musing over the year gone by on what I've learnt, what I've been through & what I've been blessed with. Sometimes, these reflections leave me a little tripid, a little scared. On the last day of 2010, these were my thoughts that I posted on FB : "‎31st Dec always feels like that roller coaster ride waiting to tip over the edge & toss you around. You know you'll love it but you kinda wanna head back but yet you want to scream and go take on that heck of a ride of your life. :) Go on, 2011 is gonna be great." This is so true for me, that's why reflecting on the year scares me and that is why I don't do it anymore.


I think I have grown up especially more in 2010. I spent a great deal of the year trying to be someone that I am not. I'll read a blog or a page and get inspired to be like that girl that is elegant or that woman that is pretty, beautiful with a seemingly beautiful life. I spent alot of my time correcting myself to be like someone else, to live their lives and never truly lived mine.


This is not the first time I've had an epiphany about wanting to be myself. But it seems this year, it has finally reached from my head to my heart. I don't want to be like someone else anymore. Yet, this doesn't mean I don't glean the helpful tips that I've learnt from them. But it does mean that I have chosen not to live with their shadows in my mind everytime I go out. I used to think 'Oh, what would xxx do?' or 'How should I behave so I can be like xx?" Now, I have chosen to learn the good from them and make it work for me. You put a missing piece in a puzzle to complete the puzzle, you don't make the entire puzzle fit a tiny piece.


I am excited for 2011 because I have alot before me and I refuse to spoil it being someone else. :) You can't begin to imagine the relief I have at that.


On another note, I have this idea for an inspirational video bubbling in my heart for a while. Will you share with me your thoughts if I asked you ? :)